First Impressions and Self-Image

First Impressions and self-image

Originally published Thursday, July 21, 2011

I recently got a comment from a Spark friend on my "before" photo in my gallery, to the effect that she had no idea I'd come so far... we had mainly "seen" one another on a community board where we might talk more about activity and family things than about weight loss.

An interesting thing about meeting new people is that they see your "outside" and make assumptions based on what they see. If you are currently thin and fit, they may easily assume you have always been relatively thus.

On the other hand, from the "inside", you know your own history. You are still adjusting to your "new" size, for some time after changing it. You know how many rides on the roller coaster you have taken, and may have confidence issues.

This usually isn't a problem, until you overhear and take to heart comments that are sometimes made by those (thankfully not as many as you think) folks who don't "get it". There will always be days when I think of myself as this:

If you met me back then, you would have found me huffing and puffing and wishing that skirt was not so tight. I have come down from there (all the way there) twice. I have come down from somewhere in between probably three times in addition.

Today, I feel good about me. Today I truly see myself as this:

Folks who meet me now don't know. Folks who have known me in both extremes do know. Me? I know now that I am both... this is the difference between the disease of compulsive eating being in charge, and a higher power blessing me with abstinence from the compulsion. One day at a time.

Spark helps. Healthy living programs help. But all in all... you have to follow those programs, and light that Spark. Motivation and action are gifts of grace.

Life's good. Spark on! 

Independence: from the tyrant's side

Monday, July 04, 2011

We celebrate the independence of the United States of America today. Independence was declared from a King and Country that taxed the nobles who had moved here but did not allow them a voice in Parliament. Anyway, that's what we are taught in school.

I think of other declarations of Independence, too. In the Old Testament, it is said that Moses went to Pharoah and asked for his people to be freed... then led them out in the face of resistance. I think of movements today, political movements and armed struggles where one group seeks freedom from control of another. The group and social struggles wage on over who shall control, who shall govern.

And then, being me, I bring it to a personal level, with a twist. Suppose, instead of seeing myself as the budding American Nationalist, I saw myself as King George. Such impudence these freedom seekers have! Trying to get away from me! It is my RIGHT to rule them, tax them, use them!

Only after a long and painful struggle did King George and his advisers throw in the towel, surrender to the independence that those American Rebels had declared.

This brings a different perspective, and some questions: What might I be holding on to that I need to grant independence to? How can I shorten my own pain and struggle?

Am I holding on to the idea that I can control the actions of others? I need to let that go, grant it independence!

Am I holding on to the thought that weight and fitness once achieved will solve all the problems in my life and make me happy? I need to let that go, too.

Am I holding on to the concept that I don't deserve happiness and order, that I'm somehow unworthy? Then I should let that concept go, and enjoy the happiness that is all around for the taking!

Am I holding on to a belief that I am incapable of governing myself, of having discipline in my life? Self-government is for adults... am I ready to let myself be one? If so, I need to let go of the thought that I'm weak or childish... I need to grant "me" independence.

I have met the tyrant... and she is ME! It is I who can grant me independence! I don't have to struggle... I can let me be me! And I can love it!

Have a great 4th of July! Let yourself be self-governed today!