Just so you know...

 

Friday, July 28, 2017

I responded to a fellow Sparker's blog this morning. She was trying to figure out how to get herself jump started, and I gave a longish response, as no one had yet jumped in to offer anything.

Here's the deal, people: all the folks you view as "Spark Stars" did not start out that way. Sometimes we go on to levels where we have trouble remembering the baby steps we had to take to get to where we are. Sounds like a fine taper blog topic... but I have less than ten minutes, so, it's going to be short. This is my "start" story.

Over the years, I have established that I could not BEGIN with exercise. As much as I love being active, my eating habits at my worst made it almost impossible to start. I mean, it was PAINFUL to move even the minimum amounts that I considered to be exercise.

So I found I had to start with nutrition. After a week or two of solid nutrition, I was able to add in walking. Walking was a 30 minutes a day program for 30 days in a row before adding strength training. Walk/jog intervals were reserved for when I got down to a weight where I felt it was safe for my knees.

So what did that nutrition plan look like? I learned portions and exchanges back in 1989 - 1992 with Weight Watchers at Work. This has been the basis of my program ever since. Even though I strayed from it, regained, had to re-lose a couple of times significantly. But I figure it was a solid basis for "how to eat".

But this Sparker was asking about things like going straight to plain yogurt. Did I do that? Well, no, I didn't! I went to those little 100 calorie Nutrisweet sweetened ones, only going to plain later in the program.

Also, quitting carbonated beverages was something I took in stages... reducing the number of cans to 1 a day, tracking how many days I succeeded in limiting myself with a SparkPeople "other goals" streak. My goal was 6 days a week, at first.

So... the answer is... no, very few of us, I bet, started with the whole program all at once. Our programs have evolved over time... building a lifestyle that FITS us, as individuals. They may have elements in common, and we can certainly learn from one another... but the important lesson here is:

Do Not Be discouraged by where you are right now! This is YOUR journey. YOU are strong. YOU are beautiful. And YOU are worth it!

We each have our own mountains to climb in life. Embrace yourself. You are lovable. Remind yourself as often as you need to, to make it through one decision at a time!

Stepping off the soap/Spark box now. For today:

Now let's all get out there and live the very best Friday July 28, 2017 we can manage. Because we're worth it, and it's the only one we'll ever get.   

Radio Silence

Originally published Friday, April 07, 2017

When you want neither sympathy nor advice... and you know you're not even going to listen to your own pep talk... yep, that's when radio (spark blog) silence takes over.

So you lurk, and you read the blogs of others, and you work on the fat between the ears. And pray for when the corner will be turned and "normal" and "sane", i.e. the healthy habits you've worked so hard on... become easy again. You marvel over things like "I'm tired of doing this" as though the thought were an alien! Or you puzzle over the boredom of sameness and wax nostalgic over indulgences that disappoint.

Ever notice that the spark blogs of the collective are kind of like biorhythms? When one or another of us is "down"... someone else may be at their strongest... and we feed on each other... eke our ways through our personal lows, seeing the future will return to the cycle's highs by reading.

In the end, you pull yourself OUT of your self-pity party (not much of a party, and I don't recommend inviting any friends to it)... and realize that the healthy habits are not something forced on you from without... they are YOU, now.

And life eventually comes back into balance and perspective... so that radio silence... was just the lap around the dark side of the moon... Apollo 13 is back on course for HOME!

* And the bag gets packed. And you eat what's in it, not the random junk that is floating in space.

* And you go to recess and realize that there's a lot going RIGHT, even in the radio silence.

* And you breathe, prioritize (stop trying to do it ALL, right now!), and delegate (stop trying to do it all YOURSELF)...

And you head out for yet another day, this time Friday, April 7th, 2017, realizing it's the only one you'll ever get. And you keep on Sparking!

What Is One Thing You Use Every Day?

 Sunday, September 11, 2016

I've been writing this blog in my head since somewhere in mile one of this morning's Buffalo Run. The Buffalo Run is a five mile race set on the hills of Pioneers Park in Lincoln, Nebraska. It is the Lincoln Track Club's longest-running sponsored race... this was its 40th year.

There was a lot of hype associated with this 40th running. They were giving gift certificates to Lincoln Running Company to every 40th runner across the line. The Road Runners Club of America named it their one "non-standard distance" State Championship race of the year, so there were some extra awards available.

And there was birthday cake too (very good, chocolate cake, and YES, I ate some... don't look at me that way, Sparkers!)

OK, so why was I running a race thinking about things that I use every day? Because one of those things was practically shouting at me. Because while we may use hundreds of items every day: our toothbrushes, a favorite coffee mug (or the coffee pot), our eyeglasses, a daily medication... on and on... every day we use our bodies! In particular, we use just about every part of our bodies: arms, legs, fingers, toes, brains...

And my left ankle was reminding me loudly that I was NOT using it wisely. In the first MILE of a five mile race! I slowed down. I walked a bit, tested it at a slower pace, and let people pass me. Turned out it barked more on the uphill/downhill sections, and I was able to jog more slowly when the elevation was even. My co-worker passed me and asked if I was OK sometime during mile 2. I told him I was having ankle issues, but I was OK, go on and run your best.

I tested it on a good long stretch of even ground, and found it was improving, and while I didn't press for speed, and listened carefully to that ankle, I was able to finish the race at a modest running pace. I repassed my co-worker sometime in mile 3, tossing the comment his way that the ankle had finally warmed up.

So my ONE THING I use every day? Today I'm giving the nod to my left ankle.

One thing that impressed me most in my race day experience: Ann Ringlein (owner of the Running Company) called my name as I approached the finish line. I had no idea she knew who I was, but it appears she does.

And yes, there was this little trinket that I did not expect, having forgotten the "State Championship" aspect of this race.

Second in my age group, second in the larger "Senior Grand Master" female group, as well. Silver medal. Despite the left ankle, and with its assistance and cooperation, given I listened and babied it a bit.

Home now, showered, left ankle wrapped. Life is good.

LIVE, but take care of every part of your body, because it is one thing we ALL use, every day!

How to climb out of the hole

Originally Published Friday, January 29, 2016

Simple, right? One hand-hold at a time!

Yesterday I packed the bag. I didn't eat what was in it. I indulged in some off-plan eating. But I did make ONE good decision, part way through my afternoon recess... I didn't buy MORE. I let myself get hungry again.

See... it's not a straight line back to "perfectly on plan". At least it has never been so for me.

Casting my mind back to how I gave up soda (pop, for those of you who grew up where I did). Every time I would try, I'd fail. So I tried just cutting back. I went from five or six cans a day to three. Several months later, in the aftermath of parathyroid surgery, I dropped it to ONE can a day. I scheduled that "treat" carefully, with my morning work break.

Then I found I wasn't doing soda at home on the weekends at all. And I tried going without it at work, while still having permission to have one. Finally, I had my last diet Coke with Christmas dinner in 2009 (which was on December 27th, thanks to the big snowstorm that year). I have not had a carbonated beverage since, and I even forgot to "celebrate" the 6th anniversary this year... I had just become someone who doesn't do bubbles.

I climb out of eating lapse holes in similar fashion. Slowly. Reminder cards *do* help. Self-talk *is* important. But so is being aware that I have a *choice*. I *can* choose to continue to misbehave with food. If I do, I make sure it is a *conscious* choice. It has consequences, but it's not that I lack will-power.

I have learned not to beat myself up about it. It happens.

Another thing I've learned is that it can be helpful to figure out what the triggers were... not the outward ones (being sick, being stressed, being busy, feeling rebellious...), but the deeper inner ones: "What are you afraid of, Barb?" Yep, those deep, dark fears... the ones you don't want to admit even to yourself that you have, but that you probably share with the rest of humanity: is it fear of mortality? Poverty? Failure?

Looking foolish? Over-exposure (ok, that one's for us introverts)?

Once finding the specific fear, I have to face up to it, recognize it for what it is, and determine if there's anything I can *do* about it... i.e. problem solve. If so, take steps to do so. If not... let's have a little chat about whether eating that _____ (fill in your current temptation) is going to help or hurt. In short, apply the Beckniques as some bloggers have called them. And in the end... decide: eat or not... no judgment for the decision, just decide.

If eating was the choice, PAY ATTENTION: 

1. Did you savor it? Good job! 
2. How did you feel afterward?  If you're aware of how you felt, CREDIT for the awareness. 
3. Evaluate: was it worth it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Use that evaluation as input for the next time you are faced with a temptation!

So... here we are at Friday:

• I still have yesterday's bag in the 'fridge at work. The plan is to use it!
• Remember to go to recess, and THINK about each choice in the day. I really don't believe there is "no choice"... and I'm not sure I already made it (which is my version of "no choice"... the reason there would be "no choice" would be that I had already chosen!)
• You are a smart, thinking woman. You are allowed to think before acting. You are allowed to sit and breathe and clear your mind. You are allowed to go for a walk. There are MANY options on how to deal with your fears!

All that said, dirty laundry and all... let's head out for our Friday, January 29th, 2016 and LIVE it... it's the only one we'll ever get.

First Impressions and Self-Image

First Impressions and self-image

Originally published Thursday, July 21, 2011

I recently got a comment from a Spark friend on my "before" photo in my gallery, to the effect that she had no idea I'd come so far... we had mainly "seen" one another on a community board where we might talk more about activity and family things than about weight loss.

An interesting thing about meeting new people is that they see your "outside" and make assumptions based on what they see. If you are currently thin and fit, they may easily assume you have always been relatively thus.

On the other hand, from the "inside", you know your own history. You are still adjusting to your "new" size, for some time after changing it. You know how many rides on the roller coaster you have taken, and may have confidence issues.

This usually isn't a problem, until you overhear and take to heart comments that are sometimes made by those (thankfully not as many as you think) folks who don't "get it". There will always be days when I think of myself as this:

If you met me back then, you would have found me huffing and puffing and wishing that skirt was not so tight. I have come down from there (all the way there) twice. I have come down from somewhere in between probably three times in addition.

Today, I feel good about me. Today I truly see myself as this:

Folks who meet me now don't know. Folks who have known me in both extremes do know. Me? I know now that I am both... this is the difference between the disease of compulsive eating being in charge, and a higher power blessing me with abstinence from the compulsion. One day at a time.

Spark helps. Healthy living programs help. But all in all... you have to follow those programs, and light that Spark. Motivation and action are gifts of grace.

Life's good. Spark on! 

Independence: from the tyrant's side

Monday, July 04, 2011

We celebrate the independence of the United States of America today. Independence was declared from a King and Country that taxed the nobles who had moved here but did not allow them a voice in Parliament. Anyway, that's what we are taught in school.

I think of other declarations of Independence, too. In the Old Testament, it is said that Moses went to Pharoah and asked for his people to be freed... then led them out in the face of resistance. I think of movements today, political movements and armed struggles where one group seeks freedom from control of another. The group and social struggles wage on over who shall control, who shall govern.

And then, being me, I bring it to a personal level, with a twist. Suppose, instead of seeing myself as the budding American Nationalist, I saw myself as King George. Such impudence these freedom seekers have! Trying to get away from me! It is my RIGHT to rule them, tax them, use them!

Only after a long and painful struggle did King George and his advisers throw in the towel, surrender to the independence that those American Rebels had declared.

This brings a different perspective, and some questions: What might I be holding on to that I need to grant independence to? How can I shorten my own pain and struggle?

Am I holding on to the idea that I can control the actions of others? I need to let that go, grant it independence!

Am I holding on to the thought that weight and fitness once achieved will solve all the problems in my life and make me happy? I need to let that go, too.

Am I holding on to the concept that I don't deserve happiness and order, that I'm somehow unworthy? Then I should let that concept go, and enjoy the happiness that is all around for the taking!

Am I holding on to a belief that I am incapable of governing myself, of having discipline in my life? Self-government is for adults... am I ready to let myself be one? If so, I need to let go of the thought that I'm weak or childish... I need to grant "me" independence.

I have met the tyrant... and she is ME! It is I who can grant me independence! I don't have to struggle... I can let me be me! And I can love it!

Have a great 4th of July! Let yourself be self-governed today!  

There is no finish line.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

"There is no spoon" is one of my favorite quotes from The Matrix.

"There is no finish line" is my personal Spark theme. This is forever. For the rest of our lives. It doesn't end because "nobody's looking" today. Some days this is clearer than others. Today was such a day.

It doesn't end if we don't have the means to post to Spark (my internet was "down" this morning), or write things down on paper (it dawned on me partway through the day that I used to write my food and activity in a paper journal).

I still did what I'm supposed to do. Automatically. The truth is, we are worth taking care of every day, in every circumstance.

There is no "cheating". There is no "diet". There are only decisions. Lots and lots of decisions, every day. We have the Spark. We know our life in is our hands.

What a great thing to know! Because there is no finish line, we pace ourselves and find our balance that supports long-term, healthy lives. Healthy habits are cumulative. Start one. Any one. Keep that small promise to yourself. Several times. And you might just find you do *more* than you promised.

And why not? You're worth it!
 

Even family gatherings have changed

Monday, May 30, 2011

For me, the focus of family gatherings were of course the people, but seriously, for a compulsive eater? They were about the food! The rich, decadent, bad for me food that holidays gave me an excuse to consume in quantities: while preparing it (don't ya know the cook has to taste it, just to make sure it's OK), of course at the event (someone prepared this special, they'll be offended if you don't show a hearty appetite and rave over their offerings), and then after (I used to make extra just so I could savor it afterwards, too).

And then there were the years of living in terror of food! And of the people, too! When I hadn't seen them in a while, and I would have gained weight, and I didn't want them to see me as a failure (yet again). So I would eat before, in anxiety, during I'd be "good" for show, and after, back in the privacy of my own kitchen, pile it on full of shame over my perception of my fat!

But now? I just observed this: it is as though there is this peace with who I am and who my loved ones are and that it's all OK. What changed? Wouldn't it be easy to say that now I'm at my "home" weight and have stayed there for almost a year, it's all because of that? But it's not.

It truly is the result of the hard part of losing weight: the mental, emotional, spiritual journey of acceptance and nurturing. It makes even family gatherings different. It allows me to attend, observe, participate and yes, love fully what each and every one brings... their stories, their music, their faces, and the food. In balance. With mindfulness.