Radio Silence

Originally published Friday, April 07, 2017

When you want neither sympathy nor advice... and you know you're not even going to listen to your own pep talk... yep, that's when radio (spark blog) silence takes over.

So you lurk, and you read the blogs of others, and you work on the fat between the ears. And pray for when the corner will be turned and "normal" and "sane", i.e. the healthy habits you've worked so hard on... become easy again. You marvel over things like "I'm tired of doing this" as though the thought were an alien! Or you puzzle over the boredom of sameness and wax nostalgic over indulgences that disappoint.

Ever notice that the spark blogs of the collective are kind of like biorhythms? When one or another of us is "down"... someone else may be at their strongest... and we feed on each other... eke our ways through our personal lows, seeing the future will return to the cycle's highs by reading.

In the end, you pull yourself OUT of your self-pity party (not much of a party, and I don't recommend inviting any friends to it)... and realize that the healthy habits are not something forced on you from without... they are YOU, now.

And life eventually comes back into balance and perspective... so that radio silence... was just the lap around the dark side of the moon... Apollo 13 is back on course for HOME!

* And the bag gets packed. And you eat what's in it, not the random junk that is floating in space.

* And you go to recess and realize that there's a lot going RIGHT, even in the radio silence.

* And you breathe, prioritize (stop trying to do it ALL, right now!), and delegate (stop trying to do it all YOURSELF)...

And you head out for yet another day, this time Friday, April 7th, 2017, realizing it's the only one you'll ever get. And you keep on Sparking!

How to climb out of the hole

Originally Published Friday, January 29, 2016

Simple, right? One hand-hold at a time!

Yesterday I packed the bag. I didn't eat what was in it. I indulged in some off-plan eating. But I did make ONE good decision, part way through my afternoon recess... I didn't buy MORE. I let myself get hungry again.

See... it's not a straight line back to "perfectly on plan". At least it has never been so for me.

Casting my mind back to how I gave up soda (pop, for those of you who grew up where I did). Every time I would try, I'd fail. So I tried just cutting back. I went from five or six cans a day to three. Several months later, in the aftermath of parathyroid surgery, I dropped it to ONE can a day. I scheduled that "treat" carefully, with my morning work break.

Then I found I wasn't doing soda at home on the weekends at all. And I tried going without it at work, while still having permission to have one. Finally, I had my last diet Coke with Christmas dinner in 2009 (which was on December 27th, thanks to the big snowstorm that year). I have not had a carbonated beverage since, and I even forgot to "celebrate" the 6th anniversary this year... I had just become someone who doesn't do bubbles.

I climb out of eating lapse holes in similar fashion. Slowly. Reminder cards *do* help. Self-talk *is* important. But so is being aware that I have a *choice*. I *can* choose to continue to misbehave with food. If I do, I make sure it is a *conscious* choice. It has consequences, but it's not that I lack will-power.

I have learned not to beat myself up about it. It happens.

Another thing I've learned is that it can be helpful to figure out what the triggers were... not the outward ones (being sick, being stressed, being busy, feeling rebellious...), but the deeper inner ones: "What are you afraid of, Barb?" Yep, those deep, dark fears... the ones you don't want to admit even to yourself that you have, but that you probably share with the rest of humanity: is it fear of mortality? Poverty? Failure?

Looking foolish? Over-exposure (ok, that one's for us introverts)?

Once finding the specific fear, I have to face up to it, recognize it for what it is, and determine if there's anything I can *do* about it... i.e. problem solve. If so, take steps to do so. If not... let's have a little chat about whether eating that _____ (fill in your current temptation) is going to help or hurt. In short, apply the Beckniques as some bloggers have called them. And in the end... decide: eat or not... no judgment for the decision, just decide.

If eating was the choice, PAY ATTENTION: 

1. Did you savor it? Good job! 
2. How did you feel afterward?  If you're aware of how you felt, CREDIT for the awareness. 
3. Evaluate: was it worth it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Use that evaluation as input for the next time you are faced with a temptation!

So... here we are at Friday:

• I still have yesterday's bag in the 'fridge at work. The plan is to use it!
• Remember to go to recess, and THINK about each choice in the day. I really don't believe there is "no choice"... and I'm not sure I already made it (which is my version of "no choice"... the reason there would be "no choice" would be that I had already chosen!)
• You are a smart, thinking woman. You are allowed to think before acting. You are allowed to sit and breathe and clear your mind. You are allowed to go for a walk. There are MANY options on how to deal with your fears!

All that said, dirty laundry and all... let's head out for our Friday, January 29th, 2016 and LIVE it... it's the only one we'll ever get.