How to climb out of the hole

Originally Published Friday, January 29, 2016

Simple, right? One hand-hold at a time!

Yesterday I packed the bag. I didn't eat what was in it. I indulged in some off-plan eating. But I did make ONE good decision, part way through my afternoon recess... I didn't buy MORE. I let myself get hungry again.

See... it's not a straight line back to "perfectly on plan". At least it has never been so for me.

Casting my mind back to how I gave up soda (pop, for those of you who grew up where I did). Every time I would try, I'd fail. So I tried just cutting back. I went from five or six cans a day to three. Several months later, in the aftermath of parathyroid surgery, I dropped it to ONE can a day. I scheduled that "treat" carefully, with my morning work break.

Then I found I wasn't doing soda at home on the weekends at all. And I tried going without it at work, while still having permission to have one. Finally, I had my last diet Coke with Christmas dinner in 2009 (which was on December 27th, thanks to the big snowstorm that year). I have not had a carbonated beverage since, and I even forgot to "celebrate" the 6th anniversary this year... I had just become someone who doesn't do bubbles.

I climb out of eating lapse holes in similar fashion. Slowly. Reminder cards *do* help. Self-talk *is* important. But so is being aware that I have a *choice*. I *can* choose to continue to misbehave with food. If I do, I make sure it is a *conscious* choice. It has consequences, but it's not that I lack will-power.

I have learned not to beat myself up about it. It happens.

Another thing I've learned is that it can be helpful to figure out what the triggers were... not the outward ones (being sick, being stressed, being busy, feeling rebellious...), but the deeper inner ones: "What are you afraid of, Barb?" Yep, those deep, dark fears... the ones you don't want to admit even to yourself that you have, but that you probably share with the rest of humanity: is it fear of mortality? Poverty? Failure?

Looking foolish? Over-exposure (ok, that one's for us introverts)?

Once finding the specific fear, I have to face up to it, recognize it for what it is, and determine if there's anything I can *do* about it... i.e. problem solve. If so, take steps to do so. If not... let's have a little chat about whether eating that _____ (fill in your current temptation) is going to help or hurt. In short, apply the Beckniques as some bloggers have called them. And in the end... decide: eat or not... no judgment for the decision, just decide.

If eating was the choice, PAY ATTENTION: 

1. Did you savor it? Good job! 
2. How did you feel afterward?  If you're aware of how you felt, CREDIT for the awareness. 
3. Evaluate: was it worth it? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Use that evaluation as input for the next time you are faced with a temptation!

So... here we are at Friday:

• I still have yesterday's bag in the 'fridge at work. The plan is to use it!
• Remember to go to recess, and THINK about each choice in the day. I really don't believe there is "no choice"... and I'm not sure I already made it (which is my version of "no choice"... the reason there would be "no choice" would be that I had already chosen!)
• You are a smart, thinking woman. You are allowed to think before acting. You are allowed to sit and breathe and clear your mind. You are allowed to go for a walk. There are MANY options on how to deal with your fears!

All that said, dirty laundry and all... let's head out for our Friday, January 29th, 2016 and LIVE it... it's the only one we'll ever get.

Speaking the Truth to Power

 Wednesday, September 09, 2015

One of my favorite West Wing episodes is the one where they hand Will Bailey something that's a piece of doo-doo, tell him it's the President's idea and then put him in a room with The Man to see if he's up to truly staffing a powerful man. Will he call a buffalo chip for what it is?

We face similar decisions every day with our eating and exercise. In our heart of hearts, we KNOW if we phoned in a workout, we KNOW whether we measured or eye-balled, we KNOW if we flat out picked something up that's not on plan, we KNOW whether we sat down and savored or shoveled mindlessly!

Hey, even if you picked something up that's not on plan, shouldn't you enjoy it?

• Do we tell ourselves the TRUTH about what we did?
• Do we tell ourselves KINDLY? Do we exaggerate?
• Or do we do a Joe Friday, "Just the Facts, Ma'am"?

And once we have the facts, what do we do with them? Do we use them as something to be disheartened about? Or do we FIX IT?

I vote for fixing it, how about you? Speak the truth to yourself, and then fix it... go back to what works. Call that "normal" and the stuff you have to fix an aberration. And go back to normal. Because normal works!

• That said, today's bag is packed. Remember to eat what's in it, because THAT's normal.
• Remember to go to recess.
• And Speak the Truth to the powerful person that is YOU: "well done! Good job! You get Credit for that choice!" 

These truths are a lot more pleasant to communicate, and the beauty of them is that YOU have the power to make them true!

Live just TODAY, for LIFE is served up one day at a time!

Lessons from Repeats

 Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Along the way from being an 18 year old who thought she was "pudgy" to an obese adult in mid-life, to becoming a 60 year old training for triathlon... the hills and valleys have been many. There are pitfalls along the way, and let me tell you about a few of them. 

If you are at any of these stopping points right now, this blog's for you.

1. After your initial success at losing weight, you regain. Sigh. You feel like a failure. If you are here... read on. Do NOT give up.

2. In your second iteration, you cling to maintenance for quite a while, but then life gets WAY crazy, and you stop taking care of yourself. You think other things are more important (they may even be other people) than you are, and you'll "make up for it later". Yep, the pounds pile back on. If you are here... read on. Do NOT give up.

3. In your third iteration, you're doing GREAT. Then you get hit with an injury. You haven't figured out how to rehab, and you sink back into old habits of comforting yourself with food. Since you're not being active (and having your body give you feedback about the fuel), you just keep on... and you find yourself nearly back at you top weight ever. If you are here... read on. Do NOT give up.

4. In your fourth iteration, you learn how to draw a line in the sand and keep your balance. It may not be the active life of your dreams, but it is survivable. You still wish you could live your dreams, but this is not such a bad place to be. If you are here... read on. Do NOT release your dreams as "impossible".

5. You have kept on dreaming of the life goal you want. At your next opportunity, you assess, and come up with a plan. You take the first steps in that plan to make your dream a reality... and each day you do at least one little thing that will support that dream. You get your daily inspiration. 

You rely on your "line in the sand", and you build from it. If you are here... congratulations... you are VERY close to reaching the next phase of your dream. Do not stop with dreaming.

If you are here... remember these things as you take those action steps:

• Keep your balance.
• Do not overtrain.
• Remember to recover and rest.
• Hydrate.
• Fuel the body with the nutrition that will support the life you WANT.

In the end... it's YOUR life. Live it to the fullest. Live it according to YOUR dream, not someone else's. Health is a precious resource. Preserve and protect it by taking care of YOU first.

Now go fill your place in the world! Because YOU deserve a good life, and the world deserves the best YOU that you can give it!

Spark on!

The Facts of Life

 Monday, December 31, 2012

I was going to blog about something completely different this morning... but my thoughts were kind of disjointed and I decided I'd best let THAT blog percolate for a while before I write it.

Then my brother went and mentioned some real numbers in his blog about his maintenance range, and I figure I'd talk turkey to those of us small-framed women out here in Spark land trying so hard to lose the pounds and being frustrated at times.

Here's the deal. The weight maintenance game is rigged. Yeppers. Rigged.

First off, normal male body composition contains less fat and more muscle than ours does as the carriers of the progeny. When I see my body fat percentage in the 20% range, I'm doing very well. A guy? Would have to be below 15% to be as fit and healthy as I am at 20%.

This means, with a higher percentage of muscle mass, the gents burn more calories even if they are the same weight as me!

This is NORMAL, and it's OK. I like being female. Would NOT swap!

Second, guys "on average" are larger framed than we are. My son tops me by eight or nine inches. My brother by a similar amount. And lest we forget, they both work out, too. So, with a larger body mass, they require more calories to maintain.

This, too, is NORMAL, and it's OK. I like fitting into smaller spaces and being able to FIT in tourist class on an airplane without feeling my legs are being cramped!

But still, it is somewhat of an eye opener to realize that for them? A normal maintenance range comes out to a binge day for me!

Life is not fair. But it's still good. Weight loss for us ladies may take more work. But, it's still worth it! I love being me. I love being me at my "tiny" size. And if that means I can only have half the calories of my muscular male relatives, so be it... it also means I only NEED half the calories to thrive.

Spark on!

Medium versus Message ... Body and Selfhood

 

Medium versus Message ... Body and Selfhood

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Me, Christmas 2005

A few years ago I took a brief class on writing a business document, led by a professional technical writer. One of the things she told us was that good writing should be invisible. If all that is seen is the message, and the reader doesn't notice the words, you've done your job.

This morning as I made my rounds of my favorite Spark blogs, I came across one where the writer expressed her discomfort with too much focus on the physical aspects of weight loss process, on the body. She mentioned that she wanted attention, but didn't want the focus of the attention to be the body.

My mind went back to that class. We want to be seen as ourselves, we don't want the body getting in the way of relating to others. Too much focus on the body (medium, words), takes away from seeing the person who lives there (message).

It was certainly true of me that I used my heavy body to deliver a message. In my head, I thought I was saying "This woman is here for her mind and what she can contribute". I thought I was saying "This woman is not interested in anyone who is so shallow as to be attracted by purely physical traits, you must love her for her mind and soul." It was my armor to keep people at bay that did not want to get to know the real me.

I don't think that was always the message that was received on the part of those who saw me, and it leaves out some important things... like that I have to live in this body, and it gets physically difficult if you're carting around excess padding. We won't even mention the additional risk of certain kinds of disease.

What enabled me to trim down / edit the body size is a process. I tried many tools over the decades and they all worked until I would hit the wall of reversal. I think one of the reasons I kept regaining was too much focus did come onto the physical body. I would have to find ways to use my voice and my words to express the messages I needed to deliver. And while that still scared me too much? Saying out loud what I wasn't ready to admit to myself I thought or felt? Guess what? The pounds come back! Almost by magic.

So... the deal is... it's yet another skill set to be learned while we lose the pounds... setting our boundaries... establishing the beachhead of SELF... and using the voice to keep others at bay when they invade our comfort zone.

What was different about THIS time through losing (now in year 3 of maintaining the loss) is that I insisted throughout that the goal was NOT a number on the scale, NOT a body size. The goal was to find healthy ways of eating and being active, and the scale and the measuring tape would take care of themselves.

They did... I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. But I *did* have to fight off those who wanted to focus too much on the physical for my comfort. And find ways to use my words to do so.

Because in the end... we don't need to "lose weight", per se... we need to nurture ourselves and take care of our body... because it is the medium of the message... and the message (self) is our mission to the world!

I know this will not resonate with EVERY reader of my blogs, but for those of you who struggle with discomfort at compliments that focus on "how much have you lost", "you're a different person!", etc., we are sisters and brothers under the skin. We are the survivors of obesity. But there is so much more to each of us than body size.

From where I sit now? At my natural body size, and working hard to stay here? Life is good. I'm still me (as you will still be you, if you're still working on it). And we are all worth taking care of ... today and every day. Spark on!

Me, June 2021

First Impressions and Self-Image

First Impressions and self-image

Originally published Thursday, July 21, 2011

I recently got a comment from a Spark friend on my "before" photo in my gallery, to the effect that she had no idea I'd come so far... we had mainly "seen" one another on a community board where we might talk more about activity and family things than about weight loss.

An interesting thing about meeting new people is that they see your "outside" and make assumptions based on what they see. If you are currently thin and fit, they may easily assume you have always been relatively thus.

On the other hand, from the "inside", you know your own history. You are still adjusting to your "new" size, for some time after changing it. You know how many rides on the roller coaster you have taken, and may have confidence issues.

This usually isn't a problem, until you overhear and take to heart comments that are sometimes made by those (thankfully not as many as you think) folks who don't "get it". There will always be days when I think of myself as this:

If you met me back then, you would have found me huffing and puffing and wishing that skirt was not so tight. I have come down from there (all the way there) twice. I have come down from somewhere in between probably three times in addition.

Today, I feel good about me. Today I truly see myself as this:

Folks who meet me now don't know. Folks who have known me in both extremes do know. Me? I know now that I am both... this is the difference between the disease of compulsive eating being in charge, and a higher power blessing me with abstinence from the compulsion. One day at a time.

Spark helps. Healthy living programs help. But all in all... you have to follow those programs, and light that Spark. Motivation and action are gifts of grace.

Life's good. Spark on! 

Independence: from the tyrant's side

Monday, July 04, 2011

We celebrate the independence of the United States of America today. Independence was declared from a King and Country that taxed the nobles who had moved here but did not allow them a voice in Parliament. Anyway, that's what we are taught in school.

I think of other declarations of Independence, too. In the Old Testament, it is said that Moses went to Pharoah and asked for his people to be freed... then led them out in the face of resistance. I think of movements today, political movements and armed struggles where one group seeks freedom from control of another. The group and social struggles wage on over who shall control, who shall govern.

And then, being me, I bring it to a personal level, with a twist. Suppose, instead of seeing myself as the budding American Nationalist, I saw myself as King George. Such impudence these freedom seekers have! Trying to get away from me! It is my RIGHT to rule them, tax them, use them!

Only after a long and painful struggle did King George and his advisers throw in the towel, surrender to the independence that those American Rebels had declared.

This brings a different perspective, and some questions: What might I be holding on to that I need to grant independence to? How can I shorten my own pain and struggle?

Am I holding on to the idea that I can control the actions of others? I need to let that go, grant it independence!

Am I holding on to the thought that weight and fitness once achieved will solve all the problems in my life and make me happy? I need to let that go, too.

Am I holding on to the concept that I don't deserve happiness and order, that I'm somehow unworthy? Then I should let that concept go, and enjoy the happiness that is all around for the taking!

Am I holding on to a belief that I am incapable of governing myself, of having discipline in my life? Self-government is for adults... am I ready to let myself be one? If so, I need to let go of the thought that I'm weak or childish... I need to grant "me" independence.

I have met the tyrant... and she is ME! It is I who can grant me independence! I don't have to struggle... I can let me be me! And I can love it!

Have a great 4th of July! Let yourself be self-governed today!